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Suicide [22 Apr 2004|03:44pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

How dare you walk into my home the night before acting as though your life was complete and filled with joy. How dare you take a gun the next day and wipe it all away. You lied to me and you know you were my best friend my whole life but yet you took a gun and made me clean you up because your parents couldnt bare the sight of you all over the bedroom they helped you decorate. I want to call you an asshole and give you a good punch but at the same time i want to hug you and remind you that i love you. I want to jump in your casket and shake you until you regain enough life to tell me why. I want to drown with you in my own tears and tell you why. I want to burried down deep inside with you and make you feel why. I just need to know why. You came to my house we had soda and burgers we laughed we talked you even playfully gave katlynn a kiss. Yet the next day there you are dead left and right on all your walls and on our photos yet now stained with your blood. How can you love me how did you ever love me? How do you expect me to believe that all these years when you said you loved me and how you said you cared you were telling me the truth. When i met my true love katlynn you were so happy and wanted to be in my wedding which i gladly let you be but yet even with the love i was giving her i never took any love away from you it was still all the same. I know things were tough but life is tough and i must be so selfish yet to ask you why, why you took the easy way out of life without taking me along with you because i stayed here thanks to you. I stayed here without taking that bullet and i thought you were too but now im alone with the bullet still but im not going to use it because of you because the pain im feeling i wouldnt want another to feel so ill keep that bullet in the gun and just look at it everyday and remember you and remember seeing what was left of you.

I dont know whether to cry and be upset yell and be mad its a mixed emotion and i dont know what to do. My best friend jacob killed himself this morning and i just dont know how to handle it. I knew him since i was five. Boy do i miss those days...

Marissa @-->---(my first time posting in here and yet it had to be so sad)

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adoption [20 Apr 2004|07:36am]
[ mood | stressed ]

I need to start writing more but ive been busy arguing over the fact of kids. Ive never been the one to want kids because i always just wanted to get married and travel and just have fun. My girlfriend wants to have a baby and she wants one NOW shes only 21 we have time but she feels that her clock is ticking faster then usual. she wants to do it the natural way with another man. I refuse to allow her to do it this way. I would love to just adopt but she wants to go through the whole birthing process. So i brought up the sperm bank and she was disgusted by it but i dont see anything wrong with it. I see everything wrong with her having sex with a man. I dont want to do it that way because i want to be more involved and i know if she sleeps with a man then i wont be involved at all. I hate to fight with her because we rarely do so im sorry i havnt written in this journal because thats why i joined up to write about my life so here it is and now here i go.


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Dinner at the Andersons [11 Apr 2004|09:23pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Marissa and i had spent easter with my family this year since last year we spent it with hers. All was very nice. We had stopped and gotten some flowers for my mother and some candy for my sis. On our way there marissa made up a quick easter basket for her and we signed a card which had an odd cover it was a picture of a bunny eating a bunny shaped cookie hmmm yes strange. All and all thing went well my father is getting to really love marissa and if you had any idea how he was before well you would of thought there was going to be a WWIII but i new with her charm and wonderful personality she won him over luckily. This morning was sweet marissa made me pancakes and we then cooked some sugur cookies with bunny sprinkles to bring over my parents place and then we died eggs. Havnt done that in years it was a lot of fun especially with my baby. Tonight were just going to watch a movie and cuddle in bed because we both surprisingly have off so im guessing theres going to be some sleeping in to do tomorrow hehe. love you all.


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Why not its an introduction to ME [11 Apr 2004|01:10am]
[ mood | amused ]

I thought this was a decent little question thing to do just so some of you can get to know me somewhat(dont judge me entirly on this.for the reason a lot of people tend to do that that is why i didnt really want to do this but hey just remember we have all been young once and if not still are.) I dont tend to do things like this so dont expect more of these. this is just a hi im new thing.

(T) = true
(f) = false

(f) i never have been drunk
(f) i never have kissed a member of the opposite sex
(f) i never have kissed a member of the same sex
(T) i never crashed a friends car
(T) i never have been to japan
(f) i never rode in a taxi
(f) i never had anal sex
(f) i never have been in love
(f) i never have had sex
(f) i never had sex in public
(f) i never have been dumped
(T) i never shoplifted
(T) i never have been fired
(f) i never have been in a fist fight
(f) i never had a threesome
(f) i never snuck out of my parent's house
(f) i never have been tied up (sexually)
(T) i never have been caught masturbating
(f) i never pissed on myself
(f) i never had sex with a member of the same sex
(f) i never have been arrested
(T) i never made out with a stranger
(T) i never stole something from my job
(T) i never celebrated new years in times square
(f) i never went on a blind date
(f) i never lied to a friend
(T) i never had a crush on a teacher
(T) i never celebrated mardi gras in new orleans
(T) i never been to europe
(f) i never skipped school
(T) i never slept with a co-worker
(f) i never cut myself on purpose
(T) i never had sex at the office
(T) i've never been married
(T) i've never been divorced
(f) i never had sex with more than one person within the same week
(f) i never have posed nude
(T) i never got someone drunk just to have sex
(T) i never cheated on my significant other
(T) i never had sex with my boss
(T) i never dated my roommate
(f) i never had a one night stand
(T) i never had sex on the grid.
(f) i never took someone's virginity
(f) i never had sex with my best friend
(T) i never had sex in a church
(T) ive never been skydiving
(T) I have never been fisted and/or have never fisted anyone
(f) I have never thrown up in a bar
(f) I have never visited a site held holy by a major religion
(f) I have never cheated on a final exam
(f) I have never had a relationship with someone of the same sex
(T) I have never been/gotten someone pregnant

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A first [10 Apr 2004|05:46pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Not much to say for my first journal entry. Im really excited though this is my first livejournal and my girlfriend and i are hoping to make a lot of friends!
~Love Katlynn and Marissa

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